Man Up

I have a confession to make. I’m looking at other men.

Perhaps I should clarify, since I’m a very happily married woman who adores her husband.

I’m looking at men to understand them better, to find out what makes them tick, to explore how they think and how they would react in particular situations.

Because this is the conclusion I reached before I left my teens – men and women aren’t just physically different (duh!) but they are emotionally and psychologically different as well.

Romance is a fascination genre to explore these innate differences because we get into the heads and hearts of our characters as they discover the one they fall in love with, the other half of their soul that leads to that sacred and transcendent moment where ‘two become one flesh’.

There are screeds (and screeds and screeds) written about men’s inability to write effectively from a female point of view.

But I also have a fairly firm suspicion that there are many women writers in the broad world of romance don’t get men’s characterisations right either but are picked up less readily than the gender inverse because:

• Few men read romance enough to pick up on the disconnect
• Women are more adept at being political activist and highlighting real and perceived incidents of sexism

To dismiss men as simple creatures, driven by little more than base needs of food and sex, is to ignore the depth and richness of their perspective and experience.

Since 50% of the POV is my novels is going to be from a man’s perspective, it’s important for me to get it right.

I’m especially fortunate to have a husband I can (and have) talked about these things with. And I’m fully aware that a large number of guys wouldn’t feel comfortable having that level of intimate conversation, it’s not how they’re wired. I’ve suggested to hubby in the past that he guest posts an article on the subject of the romantic hero based on the novels he’s read over the years, but like a typical man, he’s too busy doing things. Perhaps one day…

If you’re looking for insight into how men think, I wouldn’t recommend going to those ‘top secrets men wished women knew’ listicles found in women’s magazines or web sites either. Most of them can be boiled down to the asinine platitude of:

We men are just like you, but with a penis, so don’t change a thing, you’re totally awesome just the way you are.

This may or may not be true, but it doesn’t help getting into the male psyche.

Broadly speaking men are wired to do stuff. Very little time is spent analysing feelings, but that’s not to say that men aren’t capable of great moments of self-reflection – they most certainly are (just read the comments at the end of this article) – but the end goal must result in an action they can take.

And you know what? Women like these men too.

My recommendation is if you’re looking for a greater understanding of what men think and feel about themselves and the world around them, then you need to find men who speak their language. Since stalking is illegal and eavesdropping in on conversations is just a little creepy, then the best bet is to read articles by men for men on what it is to be a man.

And I’m not talking about superficial, politically correct fluff or the permanent adolescence found in the pages of lads mags (fortunately or unfortunately a dying breed) – I’m talking about the celebration and validation of manhood as a positive experience with frank and sometimes uncomfortable topics tackled.

I love men and I always have (although my heart is taken by one man in particular). To me they are endlessly fascinating and I enjoy making my heroes the best authentic men they can be.

What aspects do you enjoy of attitudes and attributes of men? What characteristics of men do you think romance get right and what do you think authors get wrong?

I’d love to hear from you.