My novella The Thief of Hearts is all about the hunt for a mysterious jewel thief known as The Phantom. Jewel heists are popular grist to the TV and movie mill, and Love’s Great Adventure associate editor Duncan Carling-Rodgers put together a few worth watching for the March 2023 edition of the magazine.
A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
A quartet of characters team up for a jewel heist. Next trying to double cross each other for the loot, their schemes are further entangled by an uptight barrister.
John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Kline, and Michael Palin star. Cleese and aged director Charles Crichton wrote the story. Both directed but the credit went to Crichton because the film’s underwriters didn’t trust Cleese to direct.
Curtis can be seen breaking up with laughter in several scenes during the film, one time at the line: “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”
The actress was also listed as Jamie Lee Schwartz on the production call sheets – a joke by Cleese because her father Tony Curtis’ real name was Bernard Schwartz. Cleese, meanwhile, gave his character the name Archie Leach – the real name of actor Cary Grant.
Topkapi (1964)
A female jewel thief gathers a gang to replace a jewelled dagger an Istanbul museum with a replica. With a cast led by Melina Mercouri, and including Peter Ustinov, Maximilian Schell and Robert Morley, Topkapi is credited by Mission: Impossible creator Bruce Geller as the inspiration for his own1960s TV series.
According to director Jules Dassin, he originally wanted Peter Sellers in the movie, but Sellers wouldn’t work with Schell, saying he was ‘difficult’. But Dassin wanted Schell, and so he cast Ustinov in Sellers’ place – and Ustinov won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.
Raffles (1939)
There must have been some sort of rivalry between Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and his brother in law Ernest Hornung. Doyle created detective Sherlock Holmes. Hornung created master thief Arthur Raffles.
A high society man about town and top cricketer, Raffles stays at a prestigious address and cracks safes for a living, though he regards himself as an amateur, distinct from the ‘professionals’ of the lower classes.
Played in this movie by David Niven, he meets Gwen, a crush from his schooldays and falls for her again. Spending the weekend with her parents, Lord and Lady Melrose, he is tempted by a necklace. Olivia de Havilland and Dame May Whitty co-star.
Niven was about to go into the British Army just the film went into production and had to get an extension to finish the film.
Alice to Nowhere (1986)
A nurse on her way to a remote outpost in the Australian outback unwittingly carries stolen royal jewels taken in a botched robbery. The surviving robbers are the sadistic leader of the gang, played by Aussie actor John Waters in a departure from his previous clean-cut heroic roles, and a fearful sidekick. They take off after the nurse, determined to retrieve their loot.
A 4×1-hour TV miniseries produced in the heyday of Australian television drama, Alice to Nowhere is a gritty thriller that made it onto video tape from Paramount in the US. It can be found occasionally on eBay, as well as on DVD (though possibly an unofficial dub, so caveat emptor). More likely, you’ll do better looking for Evan Green’s novel on which the miniseries was based. There’s also an audio book version.
Love Among Thieves 1987
Audrey Hepburn’s last full-length film, this made-for-TV feature is a romantic caper in which a baroness must steal some Faberge eggs to ransom her kidnapped fiancé. Her co-stars included Robert Wagner, Jerry Orbach (who went on to star in Law and Order), and Samantha Eggar.
Hepburn is said to have signed on for the telemovie just for the fun of it. Indeed, it includes spoofs ofher 1960s films Charade and How to Steal a Million, and references to some of her other movies. It’s available on DVD and can be found on Amazon.
This article appeared in the March 2023 edition of Love’s Great Adventure magazine.
