Bondage is a Four Letter Word

The release of the official 50 Shades of Grey film trailer has been the subject of a lot of talk since it was released a few days ago.

Leaving aside the literary merits of the book or otherwise – both sides are argued here, here, here and here – this post is a look at the film purely based on its trailer – specially the casting.

And I have to confess that the trailer made me laugh out loud.

Yes, yes, yes, I know that super secret, wealthy, handsome billionaire industrialist is aged 27-28 in the books.

But this is the bondage master the producers have chosen:

He is, in the book, described by the heroine thus: “He is not merely good looking – he is the epitome of male beauty, breathtaking.”

And indeed Jamie Dornan is quite the beauty.

That to my mind is part of the problem.

There is no shortage of pretty boy models and actors in the world but does any one of them have combination of gravitas, menace and urbane sophistication to negotiate the high powered world of cut-throat business on one hand and seduce a woman so thoroughly that she would willingly participate in his BDSM fantasies on the other?

I would submit (see what I did there?) that the four letter word in bondage is – Bond, James Bond.

A raise of those eyebrows, a growl from that Scottish burr and any woman would be his.

My hubby had the pleasure of having lunch with the original Bond Q – Desmond Llewellyn back in the 1980s and the inevitable question came up: “Who is the better Bond? Connery or Moore?”

The charming Mr Llewellyn said that both men were very good Bonds, each with their own merits but paused to say:

“Ian Fleming wrote Bond as a bit of a bastard, so in that respect Sean is closer to the character in the book.”

If you’re going to introduce a woman to your ‘red room of pain‘, you’d have to be a bit of bastard.

But don’t write off Roger Moore:

You just need to go back a few years to his TV series The Saint which Roger Moore played for 7 years. In it he shows the edge that made him a natural casting choice for James Bond, which alas, was going through it’s self deprecating/send up years.

But look at those eyes and tell me that you don’t see a dominant alpha male there.

The Bond reboot at the end of the 1980s introduced us to a man with the potential to even  out-bastard Sean Connery.

He always played his dramatic leading roles as men whose aggression was always under the most tenuous control – borderline self-destructive – and that is pure catnip for the woman who likes a good spanking or two.

Pierce Brosnan was certainly a pretty boy in Remington Steele in the early to mid 1980s:

But just look what a few short years did for Brosnan:

As you can see, the maturity on his face enhances, rather than diminishes his sex appeal.

Just 5 to 7 years Jamie (oh please call yourself James by then please!) Dornan will have matured into that edge that makes a super secret, wealthy, handsome billionaire industrialist who likes to indulge his kinky fetish all the more credible.

In other words:

So tell me in comments below. Who would you cast as a credible super secret, wealthy, handsome billionaire industrialist who likes to indulge his kinky fetish?

You can cast from any time period thanks to my Tardis: